from my journal…
You hold such a special and tender place in my heart. My heart grieves with you today. This week has been a tough one for you. Saying goodbye to your sweet little cat Bolt has been a very hard thing. He brought you so much joy and delight!
I remember when you first brought him home. You cared for him so tenderly . . . like he was your own little baby. You’ve always had a gentle way with animals. And Bolt knew his owner was a softie!
Bolt brought much healing into your life after losing your Meme. I watched how you poured much love and affection into your new kitten. As you were trying to process your grief, you found joy and healing in spending time with Bolt, chasing him in the kitchen, and cuddling him in your arms.
I’m so very sorry you are grieving again today. Grief stinks, doesn’t it? You and I both are learning that life is hard. We live in a broken world. Pain is everywhere!
But I am learning that through it all, God is still good! I pray that your heart is learning to trust Him as well.
As your mama, I wish I could fix your pain and make it all go away. Oh, how I wish I could shelter you from the darkness and grief of this broken world! You’ve encountered much heartache for a girl of 9 years old. I’ve watched your heart be broken so many times in saying goodbye to people and things you live. Your tears bring my own so many times.
Sometimes my heart tends to worry that your heart will become bitter and angry towards God. We have spent countless nights and days exploring the truths of Scripture to counter the hard questions that you ask. You are a deep thinker! You ask really deep questions about God, suffering, and His goodness. I know your young heart doesn’t understand many things right now.
But I am trusting and believing that God is whispering His grace to you every day. God has been so faithful to me in these past years of heartache, grief, and suffering. I know you are His child. And He provides rest and healing for His own. So run to Him—even when you don’t “feel” His nearness! He is always near and with us. (Psalm 139)
I know that God has a great purpose for the pain and suffering in your life. I am watching God work and change you. You may not see it right now, but I do!
God continues to give you His gentle and kind spirit. You love to bring smiles to the faces of your siblings! You often extend yourself to befriend a brother or sister who needs gentle encouragement. Your gentleness is very evident in our family.
God is giving you compassion for hurting and lost people. Just this week, you told me how you are constantly trying to point your teacher to Christ. You care for her and others! You have such a sensitive spirit towards others who are sick and needy.
You are such a peacemaker. . .always trying to put friends back together, solve sibling disputes, and make new friends.
And you are such a giver! You amaze me with your generosity to others. You love to make cookies for your bus driver, make crafts for your teachers, and buy gifts for Lynsey. This list could go on and on!
I am so thankful that you are my daughter! I am blessed with the relationship we share. I’m glad you feel safe to cry on my lap, ask tough questions, and express true feelings. I pray that will never change.
Just know that I am your biggest prayer warrior and cheerleader! I don’t have all the answers to life’s problems, but I know Who does. And He will be faithful to you every. single. day! Even when you are not faithful to Him. Because He is grace! All is grace!
I love you, my girl. We must keep walking through the hard together. Life is a journey. . . and God writes the best stories possible! I’m praying for you.